20 Things I've Learned From My Dog Dixon

So in the spirit of recognizing the contribution of animals in general, and in praise of dogs in particular, I thought I'd share with you a list of the 20 most fundamentally important things my dog has been able to teach me. I am, granted, a slow learner. But here are...

20 Things I've Learned From My Dog Dixon

1) It’s only the idiot on the end of the lead who cares how expensive the collar is.

2) Treats are good – but nothing beats a walk in the park with someone you love.

3) If you manage to escape your backyard, the person who loves you will be thrilled when you come back. If their first words are “Bad dog!” go find another family to live with.

4) Communication is important – but at 3am, nobody cares what you have to say.

5) There’s nothing to be embarrassed about regarding physical functions.

6) Electric blankets are a gift from God.

7) If you’re stuck somewhere and you have to go to the toilet, don’t be too shy to tell somebody.

8) All things are better if they squeak. Even people.

9) I want what you have. I don’t know why. I just want it.

10) If someone growls at you, smile and show your tummy.

11) Getting your nose up someone else’s butt is not normally appreciated; no really DOES mean no.

12) Be prepared to do what your family tells you – about 1 in 3. They get such a charge out of it and I mean – really – how hard is it to ‘lay down’? The whole ‘roll over’, ‘fetch’ and ‘beg’ thing can be negotiated.

13) Nirvana starts in our house promptly every night at 7pm when Tim walks through the door.

14) If you look cute, even if you’re naughty, somebody will generally kiss you.

15) There is no benefit in making your bed.

16) If you nip, you’ll get attention. Just not necessarily the attention you want.

17) Exercise is not negotiable.

18) Sometimes, to scratch an itch, you have to get someone else to do it. In this situation, a nice lady with nails is normally best.

19) Life is better if you’re part of a pack.

20) No matter how adorable you are, if you have Mom’s favourite shoe (gloves/wallet/project she’s working on) chewed up and hanging out your mouth, HIDE UNDER THE COFFEE TABLE.

Educationally Yours,

K.E. Stapylton