The Applectomy

For my favorite siblings, Eleanor and Nathaniel - something for you and children everywhere who are forced by their parents to eat things no child should (in their opinion) have to consume!

The Applectomy

I do not like vegetables,
I cannot stomach fruit,
It makes my tummy go all tight
And makes my bottom toot.

Food should come in a packet -
I tell my parents that!
They tell me “Quiet!” and “Clean your plate!”
“Fast food will make you fat!”

I particularly hate apples -
Delicious, granny, rome –
Their skin gets stuck between my teeth,
The smell makes my mouth foam.

So I staged an applectomy-
The removal of a fruit -
I hid them in the basement,
I threw them off the roof.

But my sister, Milly, saw me,
She said “Oooo, you’re so bad!”
I said “And you’re adopted.
When you leave home, I’ll be glad!”

Unfortunately Mom heard me
And she was kinda cross.
“Say sorry to your sister -
If you don’t, I’ll tell the Boss!”

“I’m SORRY Milly,” I said,
But didn’t mean a word.
I guess I spoke a certain way,
A tone she’d often heard.

“So Jack, about the apples…”
She started with a smirk.
“I LOVE them, Mom,” I lied aloud -
To Milly – “You’re a jerk!”

“You LOVE them, Jack?” asked Milly
A wicked grin in place,
“Mom bought a great big box of them -
A chance to stuff your face!”

I hovered, and Mom saw me,
And raised her brows, suspicious.
“Don’t you like them, Jack?” she queried.
“The granny? The delicious?”

“Have you seen the roof, Mom?” Milly asked,
And I saw my fate writ clear.
“I LOVE them, Mom,” I quickly said,
“A box is great to hear!”

“Well, let’s go and eat some apples
Because you’re in luck today!
I took Milly to the doctor -
Guess what he had to say!”

“She’s allergic to all apples!
Can’t even stand the smell!
So they’re all yours, you lucky boy,
You can have hers as well!”

So months have passed and everyone
Calls me ‘the apple boy’;
My applectomy was a failure
And Milly’s filled with joy.

Perhaps one day I’ll like them -
Grow to tolerate the smell -
But I’ll never love my sister,
That poltergeist from hell.